im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
