We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just high enough for therapy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
me + whiskey = a bad person
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize