I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
