GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
