I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
