That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Never joke about your clitoris.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
