oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
