...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It all started with a game of naked twister.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
