They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's official drugs can't kill me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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