She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
