I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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