Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
