Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
