I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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