Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
organizing the empties. That sober.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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