hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
