i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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