I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
