The maid of honor just puked.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
