Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
