The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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