I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
