Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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