my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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