to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
