Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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