glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
