3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
