He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
