If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
