I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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