dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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