Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
are you so shy because you have an std?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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