also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
