it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
