Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
