im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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