Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
