Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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