I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
