You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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