I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
