I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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