Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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