She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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