Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
