You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
