Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
