Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
