I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
