Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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