Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize