fuck your aforementioned shoe
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
