Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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