the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
