I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
