that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize