WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
