I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
