if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
