Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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