with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
