so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
