just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
