the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
