Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
